Rugby Songs

These songs may be offensive, so if you are easily offended, get over it

7 Days of the Week:

Ohhh,

Leader: Monday is a working day…

Ruggers: Repeat- Monday is a working day…

Chorus

L: Is Everybody HAPPY ?

R: You bet your ass we are…

(Everyone places a finger on someone’s head and they must spin around in a circle
singing do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do-do like arabic tune)

Ohh,

L: Tuesday is a practice day…

R: Tuesday is a practice day…

L: Monday is a working day…

R: Monday is a working day…

Chorus

L: Is Everybody HAPPY?

R: You bet your ass we are…

Ohh,

L: Wednesday is a smoking day…

R: Wednesday is a smoking day…

Repeat rest of the days of the week

Chorus

Ohh,

L: Thursday is a drinking day…

R: Thursday is a drinking day…

Repeat rest of the days of the week

Chorus

Ohh,

L: Friday is a fucking day…

R: Friday is a fucking day…

Repeat rest of the days of the week

Chorus

Ohh, (YELL at the top of your lungs)

L: SATURDAY IS GAME DAY!!

R: SATURDAY IS GAME DAY!!

Repeat rest of the days of the week

Chorus

Ohh, (Whisper quietly and take a knee)

L: Sunday is the Lord’s day…

R: Sunday is the Lord’s day…

Repeat rest of the days of the week

Chorus

SOCIAL: Round the head, who said head? I’ll take some of that SHIT! With rhythm, feeling and personality!!

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Chicago:

(Everyone sings words in capital letters. Tune is similar to "For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow"; the underlined word are the words that change from verse to verse.)

I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE

A young man came in for some paper
SOME PAPER FROM THE STORE?
Paper he wanted, a ream he got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE

A young man came in for some jewelry
SOME JEWELRY FROM THE STORE?
Jewelry he wanted, a pearl necklace he got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And similarly:
Carpet she wanted, shag she got
Nail she wanted, screw she got
Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got
Meat she wanted, sausage she got
Beef she wanted, pork she got
Helicopter she wanted, my chopper she got
Translator she wanted, cunning linguist she got
KitKat she wanted, four fingers she got
Meat she wanted, sausage she got
Camel she wanted, hump she got
Glazed doughnut she wanted. cream filled she got
Power drill she wanted, drilled she got
Black & Decker drill she wanted, decked she got
Drape she wanted, rape
Screwdriver she wanted, screwed she got
Hammer she wanted, nailed she got
Gun she wanted, banged she got
Nylons she wanted, hosed she got
Metaphysical conversation she wanted, fucked she got
Bolts she wanted, my nuts she got
Sailors she wanted, semen she got
Ham she wanted, porked she got
Plastic she wanted, rubbers she got
Pipe she wanted, hosed she got
Stockings she wanted, hosing she got
Liquid Plumber she wanted, pipes cleaned she got
Butter she wanted, spread she got
Seafood she wanted, crabs she got
Beer she wanted, 6-pack she got
Fabric she wanted, felt she got
Ruler she wanted, my 12 she got
Stamps she wanted, licked she got
Fucked he wanted, fucked he got

etc.

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Dough--A Thing I Buy Beer With:

(To the tune of "Doe a deer" from The Sound of Music Music.)

Dough a Thing I Buy Beer With
Ray a guy who buys me beer
Me, a guy I buy beer for
Fa, a long way to the bar
So, I think I'll have a beer
La, la la la la la la
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer
that brings us back to dough oh oh oh ....

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Follow The Band:

My Lover's a super model, a super model,, super model,
a very fine super model, is he/she.
All day he/she eats nothing, he/she eats nothing, he/she eats nothing
and when he/she comes home he/she eats me.

Chorus:
Oh, you've got to drink a little bit, fuck a little bit,
Follow the band. (TOOT TOOT)
Follow the band with your beer/tits in your hands.
Drink a little bit, fuck a little bit,
follow the band.
Follow the band all the way.

Carpenter… bangs nails… bangs me
Lumberjack … splits logs … splits me
Lawyer … fucks you … fucks me
Frat boy … does nothing … does nothing
Physicist … splits atoms … splits me
Jockey … rides horses … rides me
Rugby player … rucks rucks … fucks me
Diver … goes down … goes down on me
Mounted policeman … rides horses … rides me
Baker … fills tarts … fills me; creams cakes … creams me;
kneads dough … kneads me
Taxidermist … stuffs animals … stuffs me
Doctor … fucks nurses … fucks me
Skier … jumps humps … humps me
Swimmer … swims laps … laps me
Plumber … sucks pipes … sucks me
Pianist … fingers keys … fingers me
Joiner … screws wood … screws me
Postman … licks stamps … licks me
Farmer … forks straw … forks me
Iron worker … pokes fires … pokes me
Butcher … porks sausages … porks me
Lecturer … dictates … dicks me
Secretary … facsimilies … fax me
Dentist … fills teeth … fills me
Astronaut … probes space … probes me

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Jesus Can't Play Rugby:

(sung to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" a.k.a. "Glory, Glory Hallelujah")

Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Other verses:
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's only got twelve men
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he can't support a hooker
Jesus can't play touch judge 'cause his arms point both ways
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's nailed to the cross
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got holes in his feet
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got some open wounds
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal toe cleats
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause the ball goes through his hands

Last verse:
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

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Rugby Men:

(Sung to the tune of "This Old Man")

Rugby man, He plays one,
He likes it right up the bum.
With a nick nack paddy wack
Give the ball a way
Women's rugby's what we play

He plays two, He can't get it up to screw.
He plays three, He’s not big enough for me.
He plays four, He may try but he can’t score.
He plays five, He likes to muff dive.
He plays six, Little man with a little dick.
He plays seven, Masturbation is his Heaven.
He plays eight, He always cums to fucking late.
He plays nine, He thinks his orgasms mine.
He plays ten, Little boys who think they're men.

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See That Rugger In:

See that rugger in blue
Crowd: see that rugger in blue
I hear she really likes to screw
Crowd: I hear she really likes to screw
LOUDER:
See that rugger in blue
Crowd: see that rugger in blue
I hear she really likes to screw
Crowd: I hear she really likes to screw
Sha-na-na-na-na (Na-na-na-na-na)
Sha-na-na-na-na (Na-na-na-na-na)
Sha-na-na-na-na (Na-na-na-na-na)
Sha-na-na-na-na (Na-na-na-na-na)

Make up more to suit the players in the room (colors of shirts, items, etc)

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Shoot The Boot:

This happens if you're a soloist on a verse and you mess up the lines of the song.
When you "shoot the boot,":

Why were you born so beautiful
Why were you born at all
You're no fucking use to anyone
You're no fucking use at all

You should be publicly pissed on,
You should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
You should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
So, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK… (chant lasts until he finishes)

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The S&M Man:

(Sung to the tune of "The Candy Man")

Who will run through daggers,
Ripping up his flesh,
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess?

CHORUS::

The S&M man,
The S&M man,
The S&M man because he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good.
The hurt feel good.

 Who can take a hammer,
Shove it up her twat,
Move it back and forth,
Til he finds her G-spot,  

Who can take a hammer,
Wave it overhead,
And slam it on his pecker,
Til he wishes he were dead?  

Who can take his bicycle,
Take away the seat,
Put his girlfriend on it,
Ride her down a bumpy street?  

Who can take some sandpaper,
Gotta be 50 grit,
Rub it back and forth,
Til she has a bleeding clit?  

Who can take an old wood saw,
Rusty, but still cuts,
Saw it back and forth,
Til he cuts off both his nuts?  

Who can take his willy,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it back and forth,
Til he can't pee anymore?  

Who can take a chainsaw,
Rev it up on high,
Shove it up her arse,
Just to hear her scream and sigh?  

Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream?  

Who can take a sander,
Make sure it's Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you've got a bleeding pecker?  

Who can take a mallet,
Claim that he's a stud,
Smash it on his pecker,
Till it starts to ooze blood?  

Who can take a young girl,
Turn the lights down low,
Flip on the video camera,
And make like Rob Lowe?  

Who would use machinery,
To masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis,
And pretend it didn't hurt?  

Who can take some fiberglass,
Wrap it round his pud,
Shove it up her arse,
Til she's shitting chunks of blood?  

Who can take a light bulb,
Shove it up her arse,
Fuck her up the rear,
Til she's shitting chunks of glass?  

Who can take just two bricks,
Take one in each hand,
Bang them on his balls,
Like the cymbals in the band?  

Who wears pants with zippers,
And no underwear,
Then pulls them up and down,
And rips out his pubic hair?  

Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
And hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass?  

Who can take your scrotum,
Stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights,
Till it drags down to your shins?  

Who can take a chainsaw,
Cut the bitch in two,
Fuck the bottom half,
And toss the other half to you?

 Who can take your penis,
Feed it to a whore,
Then slam it in a door,
So you can't fuck no more?  

Who would take a condom,
Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife,
'Cause she twitches when it stings?

 Who can take your penis,
Tie it in a knot,
Tighter yet tighter,
Until the fucker rots?

 Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he fucks her up the rear?

Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch?

 Who would take your kiddies,
Out to a picnic binge,
Put them on the fire,
And watch the fuckers singe?

Who would put a kid's hand,
In a socket on the wall?
It's nice when they jerk,
Up against his balls?

 Who gives children candy,
Takes them round the block,
And rips up their innards,
With the ramming of his cock?

 Who can take a chainsaw,
Stick it up her hole,
Turn it round & round,
And make tuna casserole?  

Who can take some clothes pegs,
Hang his girlfriend by her nipples,
Leave the bitch just hanging,
Til her tits are nearly tripled?

 Who can take a Doberman,
Let him do a show,
Let him fuck your girlfriend,
While he takes a video?

 Who can take a hair curler,
Turn it up on high,
Stick it in her cunt,
And listen to her fry?

 Who can take his penis,
Put it in a door,
Slam it real hard,
And scream MORE MORE MORE?

 Who can find some newlyweds,
Sneak into their room,
Fuck the bride in bed,
And sodomize the groom?

 Who can take a glass rod,
Shove it up his prick,
Put it on the table,
And smash it with a brick?

 Who can take a baby,
Throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass,
Sish-ka-bob style?

 
Who can take a nun,
Lean her over the pew,
Fuck her up the ass,
'Till she wishes she was a Jew?

 Who can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast?

Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?

Who can take a vice clamp.
Clamp it on a tit
Squeeze the succker down
Till it pops just like a zit?

 Who can take a transient
Rip out one of his eyes
Skull fuck the bastard
While he listens to his cries?

Who can take a Coke bottle
Shove it up her ass
Kidney punch the bitch
Until she's shitting blood and glass?

 Who can take a cheese grater
Strap it to his arm
Fist fuck the bitch
And make vagina parmesan?

 SONG ENDERS:

 Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?

 Who can take a pregnant woman,
Fuck her til she's dead,
Leave his dick inside her,
Til the fetus gives him head?

 Who can go to the abortion clinic,
Sneak around the back,
Root around the dumpster,
And find a tasty snack?

 Who can take a little girl,
Before she's on the rag,
Fuck her till she's dead,
And then toss her in a bag?

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The Marrying Kind:

CHORUS:
If I were the marrying kind,
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir!
The kind of rugger I would be
Would be a rugby what sir…


SINGER:

Prop, sir!

ALL:

Why's that, sir?

SINGER:

Because I support hookers

ALL:

And you'd support hookesr,
We'd all support hookers, together!
We'd be allright in the middle of the night
If we all support hookers together!


MORE VERSES:

2nd row sir, sniff butt

2nd row sir, split cheeks

2nd row sir, grab crotch

2nd row sir, smell fish

8 man sir, hold till you come

8 man sir, split cheeks

8 man sir, sniff ass

center sir, find the hole

center sir, hit it hard

flanker sir, get off first

flyhalf sir, get creamed

fullback sir, get fucked

scrum half sir, put it in

scrumhalf sir, go both ways

wing sir, never get it

ball sir, get pumped

ball sir, be bound in leather

2 boots tied together sir, be trippin

boots sir, come in a boxes

boot sir, get screwed

goal post sir, get split

scrumcap sir, be on a pussy

halftime orange sir, get sucked

grounds keeper #1 sir, trim bush

grounds keeper #2 sir, do lines

grounds keeper #3 sir, fill holes

pitch sir, grow weed

rule book sir, get violated

spectator sir, get to watch

spectator on a rainy day sir, I'd get wet

spectator on a sunny day #1 sir, come again

spectator on a sunny day #2 sir, get baked

team from far away sir, come for hours

water bottle sir, get squeezed

whistle sir, get blown

DRUNK TEAM SIR, GET FUCKED UP


SOCIAL: "Round the head. Who said head? I'll take some of that shit!!! With rhythm, feeling and personality!

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Ya Ho:

Sung to the tune When Jonny Comes Marching Home.
(This is a rugby variation of a popular song about a "young man".)

I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
She said hey rugger, you wanna lay

Refrain:

Get in, Get out, quit fuckin' about
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.

I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe,
she said hey rugger you're way to low.

Refrain

I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee,
she said hey rugger you're kiddin' me

Refrain

I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh,
she said hey rugger you're way to shy

Refrain

I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
she said, "hey rugger, you're getting it"

Refrain

I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat,
she said hey rugger you hit the spot

Refrain

I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth,
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm...

Refrain

And then he came into my mouth
yo ho, yo ho
And then he came into my mouth
yo ho, yo ho
And then he came into my mouth,
And I said (take a drink and spray beer on person who sang previous verse)

Refrain

I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box,
from havin' too many rugger's cocks

Refrain

I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then,
she did me before she'll do me again

Refrain

Now these few ruggers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few ruggers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few ruggers they went to hell,
the fucked the devil his wives as well

ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.

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Yogi:

(Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races")

I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, YOGI,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.

YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR.

Yogi's got a little "friend,"
Booboo, BOOBOO,
Yogi's got a little "friend,"
Booboo, Booboo Bear

BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE "FRIEND,"
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR.

And similarly:
Yogi's got a "girlfriend,"
Suzi, SUZI
Suzi, Suzi Bear.


Yogi's got a cheesy knob, Camembert.

Booboo likes it on the fridge, polar bear.

Yogi hates it up the ass, Something he can't bear.

Yogi's dick is long and green, cucumber.

Yogi likes to shave his pubes, grizzly bare.

Booboo’s boyfriend has no teeth, gummy bear

Yogi likes it in the snow, Polar Bear

Yogi likes it up side down, Koala Bear

Yogi likes it in a car, Panda Bear

Yogi's got a girlfriend, Suzy Bear

Suzy likes it ‘gainst the fridge, Polar Bear

Booboo likes it up the ass, Brown Bear

Yogi has a 10" cock, Black Bear

Yogi likes it with a chew, Kodak, Bear

Suzy wears crotchless panties, Teddy Bear

Suzy’s snatch it smells like cheese, Camembert

Suzy she has great big tits, More than I can bear

Suzy likes to threesome, Lucky Bear

Booboo likes it in a tree, Koala Bear

Yogi likes lingerie, Teddy bear

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